Where have I been?

I have been gone for quite a bit and I decided to post of where I have been and why I have been gone recently. The reason for me being gone is depressingly enough is depression. I have struggled with it in the past and things I use to find enjoyment in are no longer making me happy. Why is this? I have had people who I was decently close to pass away and I am trying to deal with it. My stream schedule is stagent and the only things that have been constant are my streams with WBSG. I have been trying to get myself up in the morning and despite trying to motivate myself, it’s super tough and I am fighting through my depression. There are so many thoughts going through my head of ‘I should be farther in my field’ and ‘Am I good enough to be here?’. My friends have really tired so hard to motivate me but I feel so drained and dead inside. I know I am not alone and despite this I am still struggling.

I feel as though I have failed in most things I have tried to accomplish recently, espically with my etsy shop. I feel as though I should have done more to make others interested or put more into marketing myself. I recently am taking a break from my DC Groups and the reason for this is due to the help I was getting and learning Python, I didn’t feel like I was not experimenting on my own. That was my fault and I started to lose what I loved. I am so thankful to people like Admiral Potato who have tried to help me through this time but I need to walk away for a while to re-discover why I got into IT to begin with. In the meantime, I am spending more time alone either going to more bookstores and studying my ass off to learn how good of an IT Tech I can be. I am still learning and I am trying my best to get there. I have imposter syndrome and I know that most IT people do but I need to do things to remember why I get up in the morning. I love my job and what I do but I need to remember why I went into IT and need time to self learn. I need to go on my own for a while to make cool stuff and re-discover tech again.

What am I doing in the meantime?

So far, I have read through a bunch of books - some IT and some not. I am challenging myself to read and study more than I have ever studied before. I need to remember why I do the things I do and I am taking some time to make some cool stuff with the knowledge that my friends have taught me. I have been working on a project from a year ago. I am getting back into some things and taking apart different components, working on certs, working on my resin shop and streaming on the side. I hope to learn more python, shell, powershell and bash.

I want to do some really cool things and re-discover who I am. This is not the first time and I want to make everyone proud. But also, be reliable for others. In the meantime, I will update from here and keep sharing what I learn. I need to do this myself and get myself out of the mess I got myself into. Will let y’all know what I learn from here!

Hope to update yall more and more and sorry for not posting. In the meantime, please enjoy this and show me what ya got!

Much love and support!

-Mux